Artificial Enlightenment Tee

You were told it was a movement.
Turns out it was just a flavored beverage and a lot of eye contact.

This tee features the infamous chalice of mass persuasion—served ice-cold with a generous pour of artificial flavoring, synthetic belief systems, and vague promises of “transformation.” One sip, and suddenly everyone’s wearing the same shirt, quoting the same guy, and calling it enlightenment.

It’s not a cult.
It’s a lifestyle brand.

Crafted from a soft, lightweight tri-blend (50% polyester, 25% combed ring-spun cotton, 25% rayon), this shirt is breathable, pre-shrunk, and durable enough to survive both spiritual awakenings and awkward retreat weekends. Regular fit. Side-seamed construction. Woven with 40 singles of flavor, fervor, and finely tuned messaging.

Drink the message. Stay hydrated. Obey.

This product is made just for you—not stockpiled in some warehouse under government surveillance. Is it to reduce overproduction? Sure. Is it part of a bigger plan? Who’s to say? Either way, thanks for making a thoughtful purchase—the algorithm has taken note.