Flat Earth Mat Club Hoody

Notice: Hoodie runs small. Size up unless you’ve already escaped earth’s “atmospheric compression field.”

They said the earth curves.
You’ve seen the mat. It doesn’t.

This hoodie is for those who trust lived experience over “satellite data” and believe gravity is just pressure passing with extra steps. The horizon’s a lie. The mat is flat. And if you’ve ever been stack-passed by someone shaped like a kettlebell, you already know the truth bends easier than the planet.

Membership is limited. The patch is implied. The questions are discouraged.

Made with a 100% cotton face and a 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester blend, this hoodie features a front pouch pocket, matching flat drawstrings, and a 3-panel hood for extra concealment when researching alt-geometries.

Deny the curve.
Confirm the mat.
Stay grounded.

This product is made just for you—not stockpiled in some warehouse under government surveillance. Is it to reduce overproduction? Sure. Is it part of a bigger plan? Who’s to say? Either way, thanks for making a thoughtful purchase—the algorithm has taken note.