Operation Phantom Rank Tee

Think about it—have you ever actually seen a purple belt when class starts? Or do they just drift in when it’s time to roll, eyes looking… suspiciously relaxed?

Some say they exist. Some say they’re just blue belts who found a glitch in the system. Others believe they’re high-ranking operatives planted by the IBJJF sent to spy on us.

This shirt won’t prove they’re real (because they aren’t).
It won’t make one show up before rounds start (because they don’t).
And it definitely won’t clear up why they always smell just a little too “herbal.”

But it will keep you comfortable while you question everything you’ve been told.

Crafted from a soft, lightweight tri-blend (50% polyester, 25% combed ring-spun cotton, 25% rayon), this shirt is breathable, pre-shrunk, and durable enough to survive simulation resets and sudden rank jumps. Regular fit. Side-seamed construction. Woven with 40 singles of plausible deniability.

Don’t fall for it. Purple belts aren’t real.


This product is made just for you—not stockpiled in some warehouse under government surveillance. Is it to reduce overproduction? Sure. Is it part of a bigger plan? Who’s to say? Either way, thanks for making a thoughtful purchase—the algorithm has taken note.