Pyramid Scheme Crewneck Sweatshirt

They told you not to look directly at the light.
You did it anyway—and now you can’t unsee the triangles.

A 50/50 cotton-poly blend built for durability, warmth, and plausible deniability.
Pre-shrunk for consistency, classic in fit, and suspiciously soft thanks to air-jet spun yarn. The 1x1 athletic rib knit collar with spandex holds its shape, no matter how deep the rabbit hole goes. Double-needle stitching throughout ensures it survives both wear and revelation.

It’s warm. It’s structured. And it definitely knows something.

Put it on. Pretend you don't feel the hum.
Fits true to size—size up if you need extra room to hide your secrets.

This product is made just for you—not mass-produced in a warehouse under government surveillance. Is it to reduce overproduction? Sure. Is it part of a bigger plan? Who’s to say? Either way, thanks for making a thoughtful purchase—the algorithm has taken note.

Size guide