Pyramid Scheme Hoody

Disclaimer: This hoodie runs small—possibly on purpose. For the best fit (and plausible deniability), we recommend ordering one size up.

There’s no ladder.
Only deeper layers, weirder angles, and promotions you never asked for.

This isn’t just a hoodie—it’s architecture. A soft shell for the system you didn’t sign up for but can’t quite escape. The triangle. The circle. The quiet realization that you’re not climbing… you’re orbiting.

Made for cold mats, colder truths, and those late nights when the questions get too loud. Built with a 100% cotton face and a 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester blend, it’s got a front pouch pocket, flat drawstrings, and a 3-panel hood—because disappearing into the background is part of the uniform.

Layer up. Question more.
Turns out, everyone’s already in on it.

This product is made just for you—not stockpiled in some warehouse under government surveillance. Is it to reduce overproduction? Sure. Is it part of a bigger plan? Who’s to say? Either way, thanks for making a thoughtful purchase—the algorithm has taken note.

Size guide